-Berendam Airmata-

pent-up

Sunday, 1pm..

my friend came to my house

wake me up from bed..

bring me out..

had lunch together

and she starts the conversation

are you depressed sis ? 

I know I've been smiling, but inside I'm dying.

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People are always telling me to smile,

like smiling is going to just take away all the hurt and pain

Well I've tried that

I've tried hiding my sorrows and covering the sadness in smiles and

what I've learned is that when it hurts this much inside your heart always

has a way of showing it

no matter how many layers of make-up you wear

I feel so hopeless and lost

I was just so desperate

I knew what was wrong with me

but nobody else around me understood me

I have lost interest in my studies and everything

I was so depressed and I wish somebody please hit me

And I can just lying on bed forever with empty mind

I needed rest and to be looked after inside my room

and for people to understand the torment and the anguish

going on my head.

I cried like I never cried before and

it was anger, it was eleven years of pent-up anger coming out

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I am living life as it is now by going with the flow

trying to not thinking about 'them' and 
adapt with my 'long-distance' love story.

Sayang, I really need you...

spiritual and secure

I need you to stand besides me

make me feel safe, please!

Angel Of Mine

the moment you realize that you found the person that you want to be with forever

the hours you spend conversing, touching, hugging, laughing and kissing. .

the minute you hate that keep you away from him

the seconds it takes to lose it all...

either well and alive, dead or gone..

the right one is always an Angel from start to end.

-biarlah rahsia-

sorry top to toe

'Design' in your life

Life can be so depressing with 'design' in your life. .

Yeah, what I have gone through is more than enough...
I had enough of all the miseries
don't really remember ..I guess since I was 5 years old kot..
drama drama drama. . .ibu ayah
ha'ah, when I was 7 after I lost Mak (arwah atok)
I was starting to see that independence is more basic that i'd ever imagined
survival ...this and that
Past is past la kan..
and now...drama hidup aku pulak
between studies, LIFE & family..

-FULLstop-

Saturday 25,August 2012

When I woke up today,
I know it was too late. .

Things are pretty lame these days
I don't know may be it is just me or the other way round?

The conclusion is
In the book of life
the answers aren't in the back...

same like yesterday entry..
try to put yourself in my shoes
then you'll understand.


May Allah keeps give me strength
to stay strong.

huh?

I'm having so much fun with theory

too much to think about. . . 

too much to consider about. . . 

I think too much. .PLUS

Lots of shits happens for past few month

Hell yeahhhhhhhh

I think too much...

dengan Laptop yang mintak untuk di karam d lautan dalam

dengan kena re-type balik semua essay. . . 

awesome bebehh. . . 

well, life keeps getting better if you look things in a different way. . 

close your eyes and you'll see more in darkness

when imagination turns to images that creates memories. . .

Mentally disordering. . 

manipulation begins. . . .

end up with NEVERending Queries...

tired. .exhausted. . information overload..

honestly. . .

mentally depressed

spiritually stressed, BUT

Physically, I smile. . . why?

try to put yourself in my shoes, then you'll understand.

Ramadhan

For the first time ever
I feel super down when realize
ramadhan dah sampai hujungnye..
which I don't usually give a damn about puasa or eid.
sounds weird kan? but this time HOW I really wish I can turn back to the beginning of Ramadhan.

Yes I'm missing someone.
so much.
He is half of me, no arguments.
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It is very calming when you know there's always someone
watching over you. .
By asking Allah for forgiveness and thanking him . .
everyone make mistake right?
I make mistake like every other human being too
but I take comfort in the fact that Allah is there. . .
He knows everything..

Life getting harder and complicated lately..
sampai dalam hati ni pernah terdetik
' I'm so fuckin tired, could this ever get enough? or the world not belong to me?'
then I realize Allah knows who's the best for him to gave this kind of ujian aite?

It just...I'm super tired with everything.
I can't push myself anymore
and keep on asking myself ' why so much things keeps pulling me down? why, WHY ?'

Yes, its all in the state of mind
need to think positive in everything..
So True. . .its damn true.hm

I'll always pray and hope
things will get better..
Move forward
Even tears gushing like waterfall
I have to be strong..

I know it takes sometime to heal
but I have to stay strong and have faith
I'm just gonna have FAITH

May Allah guide me till the end of my life.

Salam.

Dygta ft. Ira

Cintamu, 

Yang kurasa walau tak terucap, 

S'makin dalam 

Cintamu,yang terukir di batas cintaku, 

Selamanya

Tak pernah kumencoba, 

Lepaskan cintamu walau sesaat, 

Sejujurnya diriku terlalu sayang padamu 

Kuingin s'lalu dalam, 

Cintamu

Dan tiada yang kan memisahkan, 

Selamanya 

Cintamu, 

Yang terlimpas, terbias matamu 

S'lama ini

Adakah di hatimu, 

Terbesit satu harapan untukku 

Tuk berjanji selamanya kan selalu milikku

Satu cinta, 

Tak pernah kumencoba, 

Lepaskan cintamu walau sesaat, 

Sejujurnya diriku terlelu sayang padamu 

Kuingin s'lalu dalam, 

Cintamu...

kalam hidup

kalau kita dapat apa kita nak

maknanya Tuhan sayang kat kita,

kalau kita susah nak dapatkan sesuatu tu

maknanya Tuhan nak uji kita,

Tapi bila kita langsung tak dapat apa yang kita nak...

maknanya ada yang lagi baik yang Tuhan dah janjikan untuk kita. . .

finally my mr sepet on skype with me...
hheeeeee heeee super excited
after 11days been away from him  . .

you're still the one

Looks like we made it
Look how far we've come my baby
We mighta took the long way
We knew we'd get there someday


They said, "I bet they'll never make it"
But just look at us holding on
We're still together still going strong


(You're still the one)
You're still the one I run to
The one that I belong to
You're the one I want for life
(You're still the one)
You're still the one that I love
The only one I dream of
You're still the one I kiss good night

Ain't nothin' better
We beat the odds together
I'm glad we didn't listen
Look at what we would be missin'


I'm so glad we made it
Look how far we've come my baby

.circle of life.

hello May 2012..
hello assignments...

struggle? YES!!
depress? YES!!!

rasa nak nangis.....
rasa nak give up....
rasa penat sangat!!!!!


bila nak habis ? ;(