March 26, 2014

F E A R

For a very long time fear has controlled me
by kept me living in desperate situation
and stopped me from living the life of my dreams.

Yes, I declared myself as a Muslim
but I only knew very little about the religion
and sometimes I did quest myself
am I a Muslim just by a name or maybe a part time Muslim?

ohh well, i think they should write the book
'Islam for Dummies' for people like me..(don't laugh!!)
because most of the books that i found is really hard for me
to understand..depth perhaps?







March 21, 2014

D I A s a y a n g s a y a

visa..
can u please be nice with me? please....

kerja?
ada. TAPI visa pula menjadi issue
tak mampu nak persoal lagi apesal
setiap satu satu yang jadi

DIA sayang saya... boleh gitu?
pasrah sangat, sigh

tempat tinggal
if tiada tuan, serious tak tahu apa jadi
connection atas kawan punya kawan
kenal pun tidak. i really owe you man!!
yang di planned semua tersasar 
jauh yang patut dijumpa
tetiba hilang tak tahu punca
biarlah.. 

cerita last week,
konon mencari bilik sewa. jumpa homestay ni
condition nya memuas kan, yang paling penting
fully furnished..TAPI
bila baru ke nak cakap YES.. owner tu melihat aku beribu macam
puji2 yang rasanya tak relevan pun

make it short... mereka adalah nudist
mula2 aku kata.. kau nak bogel ke nak tergolek ke
buatla.. non of my business 
but bila mula nak persuade aku jadi part of them
MEMANG tak lah...dan mula argue pasal muslim appearance
dengan aku. yes aku belum berhijab tapi tak semestinya
aku sebarang langgar je
once dia start mention pasal 'tiada jealously' isssue between 
him n the wife.. sesungguh nya aku terus bla. 
lalu aku pulang dengan perasaan paranoid trauma teramat.
sungguh tertekan to the max.. 

why ada lagi manusia macam ni on earth? why why?

sungguh tak kelakar. orang gila je akan kata wow? nudist, lawa and handsome tak? and aku tak teragak2 to lift my middle fingers.. 


March 14, 2014

chapter #27

alhamdulillah
still alive and struggle for life

May Allah guide me till the end of my life
Ameen.

March 04, 2014

k e n a p a ??

memang sengaja ke apa?
haritu suruh datang
dah ada sini
suddenly lain pula jadi

apehal macam ni
kenapa nak jadi kat aku eh
tak cukup cukup ke dengan apa dah penah jadi?

aku ni tak la sekuat mana nak hadap semua ni
otak terus berhenti tak boleh berfikir

kenapa
kenapa
kenapa?

March 01, 2014

s i g h

after everything i've been through
I think, i extremely lost my sensitivities towards other feelings.
parents, friends or sesiapa.
I've spent most of my time fighting with my feelings instead of 
just trusting myself
i am sorry. my bad.
but yeah 
even though i act like i dont bloody care
the truth is i care too much.

just the matter of time..
please..

jangalah nak kasi statement
'she's really take care of about everybody'
what the hell?